Of Redheads and Paperbags
by Kalasin
Summary: What would Himura Kenshin buy in a grocery story? !AU!


**A/N:**

**Some warnings…sexual innuendos…they're scattered out like faerie dust. Had a bad day today; I know that's no excuse, but if writing is crappy, please, please forgive me. A little OOCness, but I hope it's not too much.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own RK nor any of the items mentioned below.**

As the automatic doors slid open, one Himura Kenshin stepped inside, taking his first breath of pure, grocery store air which consisted of the smell of car freshener (Lemon? Lime?), laundry detergents (Spring Fresh? Summer Sun?), and just a hint of something from the frozen food section.

He sighed, put his hands into the pocket of his jeans, and walked over to get a cart. As he turned to push it, he noticed the piece of paper he had unconsciously drawn out from his pocket.

'_Ah,' _he realized, _'The grocery list…'_

And indeed, it was the grocery list, without which he would be lost, the grocery list which was divided in no less than four parts namely Kaoru, Sano, Yahiko, and Megumi.

Oh the smell of friendship.

He shook his head, smiling, though he still could not understand how he ended up doing the grocery for everyone.

'_It's not like we even all live in the same apartment…'_

Pushing his cart towards the junk food area with the grace unseen in any other shopper, he raised an eyebrow as he scanned Sano's List of Demands.

"Two big packs of Cheetos, one big pack of Lay's, four cans of Pringles…jeez, Sanosuke…"

After loading the stash of Sano's everyday menu, he paused to check the list again, only to confirm his suspicions.

"Well," he murmured, grunting as he wheeled his cart to the liquor area, "Here goes…" _'I feel like I've been thrown back in time to my college days…'_

He easily picked out a six-pack of beer, wondering if maybe he was doing the grocery for Katsu as well.

"Oro?"

He stared down at the two little kids who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere in front of his cart.

"Hey mister," The taller one said, tugging his shirt. "Are you going to drink all that beer?" Beside her, the other little girl nodded. "Yeah mister! Are you?"

'_No, but I could try to chug it all down Sanosuke's throat in a covert attempt to drown him for making me seem like the Redheaded Glutton from Beyond…'_

Kenshin carefully put the beer into the cart and bent down to pat their heads, chuckling. "No, no…it's just for a friend of mine. You two aren't lost now, are you?" He would have liked to be answered, except before he knew it, the two had been swept away by their mother, who led them away with an, "Ayame! Suzume! What were you doing talking to that stranger!" Kenshin shook his head, stifling his laughter even as he heard the woman insisting that no child of hers was ever to converse with a red haired, probably pot-smoking hippie who binged on beer all day long ever again.

'_Now what else does Sano want…? Oro…Three bottles of gel and two bottles of conditioner? Even I don't use as much hair products and my hair is longer…'_

After he finished picking out the things in Sano's list, Kenshin was relieved to find that Kaoru's list started with items in the hygiene area as well. Unfortunately, the relief was short-lived and required to be buried six feet below pretty soon.

Kenshin gulped.

'_Two packs of sanitary napkins…one pack of pantyliners…'_

He could almost hear Sano's chiding voice and the other man's elbow digging into his ribs. _"Guess that means you're not getting any tonight, heh, Kenshin?"_

Since when did his hands start shaking, Kenshin asked himself as he reached for the neatly stacked items on the shelf. Easy does it…almost there…

"Oh! You're getting the ones for heavy flow, too! Oh God, did you know they ran out of stock last month! It was horrible!"

The shrill voice to is left almost made him fall over and his hand stopped in midair as he stared at the woman who was standing a little too near for comfort. "Actually, um…"

The woman laughed. "Oh dear, don't be shy about these things! I see you've just about entered puberty, haven't you? Well not to worry! We're all girls here!"

And in this case, Kenshin decided the best escape was to nod, try to hide the blush on his face, and speed to the food section as fast as he could. He glanced down the list and was glad to see that the rest of Kaoru's list seemed fine.

'_Milk, cereal, eggs…parmesan cheese…whipped cream…?'_

He raised an eyebrow as he put the items inside the cart, smirking. It looked like she was just as eager as he was in waiting for her monthly to end. Having finished Kaoru's list quite quickly, he then headed back a couple of aisles to get Megumi her small boxes of gauze, cotton balls, and a few small bottles of isopropyl alcohol.

He was just about to move on to Yahiko's list when he realized there was something else on Megumi's list. Ah. The latest issue of Cosmopolitan.

He walked over the magazine rack, and felt the blood rushing to his face as he saw the teasers on the front cover. 'Fifty new ways for Hot, Hot Sex! Can't afford all those toys? Never fear! Everyday household items can serve just as well!'

Grabbing the copy and hoping no one saw, Kenshin gulped at the small parenthetical note Megumi had written beside the item.

_(Don't worry, Ken-san! I'm sharing this copy with Kaoru….Misao even! Ohohohohoho!)_

Kenshin sighed, and was just about to leave when he noticed the newspapers on display as well. 'Start of Elections in Frenzy…Government Deals with Drug Dealer in…'

Soon, a copy of the newspaper joined the Cosmopolitan in the cart as well. It might even have covered the latter from view.

Perfect.

'_Yahiko, please be my salvation…'_

Thankfully, however, Yahiko didn't exactly need anything embarrassing, a huge contrast when compared to his older brother Sano's list. Kenshin hadn't even understood at first why Yahiko insisted on a separate list. However, having seen Sano's he now had even more newfound respect for the kid.

'_All right then…some Gatorade, some instant hot chocolate, a tooth brush, toilet paper…all right, Yahiko. I'm officially teaching you that new move you've been dying to learn…Not that I wasn't ever going to teach it to you anyway…'_

Feeling accomplished and quite frankly, proud of himself, Kenshin made a beeline for the cashier.

"Oro? Yumi-dono…"

And for the third time that day, Kenshin felt his cheeks heating up at the sight of Yumi's blouse, its neckline showing off just how well endowed she was.

Yumi turned around and smiled coyly as her eyes wandered to his cart and its contents. "Hmm. Hello there, Himura…Heavy flow?"

"Oro? It's not for me, Yumi-dono…It's for—"

"The Kamiya girl, I know. Don't sweat it, Himura. I'm doing the shopping for Shishio today, too," she laughed.

"Aa…"

Still, Kenshin couldn't help but look at the items in her cart. "Nivea After Sun Cooling Spray, Yumi-dono?"

"Mm. Shishio's got the worst sunburn ever. Poor little puppy. I told him not to play out in the sun with Soujirou for too long!"

'_Poor little puppy…? What is this world coming to?'_

"Aa, well tell him to take it easy."

"Sure. Will do. Well, your turn!"

Kenshin sighed as he started unloading the items onto the counter.

'_What a day…I can't wait to get home…'_

He gave the cashier lady a polite smile and continued to unload his purchases, suddenly stopping when he felt his cellphone vibrate.

"Kaoru?"

"Hey Kenshin. Done wit the grocery yet?"

"Just about. Did you have anything in mind?"

"Well, aside from the fact that I want to drag you out shopping with me…no, not much…"

"Kaoru…right now?"

"Well…I _was_ going to buy some lingerie for when I'm free of the Cramps from Hell…but if you don't want to come with me…"

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

"I thought so."

And this time, as the automatic doors of the grocery slid open, and Kenshin Himura took his first breath of warm, polluted air in almost an hour, he couldn't help but grin.

If things were going to end this way each time he ended up doing the grocery, then he might just volunteer to do it everytime.

**A/N:**

**And there you go. I would have written this on a better day…but I guess I was afraid the plot bunny was going to leave me. Take care, everyone! God bless!**


End file.
